The time after the death of our spouse can be very tough for a variety of reasons. Practical matters often require our consideration; paperwork has to be dealt with, financial matters need our attention, there maybe a requirement to make lots of decisions about where to live, what to do with the rest of our lives. All this at a time when we are trying to deal with our grief and recover from the emotional battering that we've just been through.
Dating again and finding a new relationship can feel disloyal and a little contrived. Our friends may start to encourage to go out, meet new people, insist that we find happiness again. They may even introduce us to their single friends in the hope of getting us settled into a new relationship. For many people, though finding a new partner can feel strange, especially if the marriage was long and happy.
3 Circular Saw
Let's look at three ways to recover from grief and feel better at the thought of remarrying:
- Don't look for a replacement for the previous spouse. It's not a job vacancy the needs to be filled. Often new people can offer very different things than our original partner did and that can be fine. We're different too, from the person we were all those years ago. A new spouse can bring different interests, potential and fun into our life which may be in complete contrast to how we saw our life direction originally heading. Also friendship and companionship can count for a lot and bringing a person who cares about us into our life can motivate us to take better care of ourself, be interested and once again engaged in life.
- Being receptive to change is important. Our home may have been our safe haven, a place of familiar security after the death of our spouse, but a new partner may feel that remarrying is a good time to consider other options. Often life has moved on since we were originally married. Our criteria has changed and we may not be wanting to start a new family or be looking to develop a successful career. If we're freer, with less domestic and financial constraints it may be a good time to start a new adventure, relocate to another area, perhaps travel round the world in a camper van.
- Respect the legacy of our previous spouse. They have contributed to us being the person we are today. Our outlook, children, way of living are in part an acknowledgement of the impact they had on our life. Getting remarried does not disrespect or disregard their importance. In fact, in many ways it enables their energy and enthusiasm to continue living through us as we continue seizing the opportunities for a new life and happiness that come our way.
The untimely death of our spouse can leave us feeling bereft, angry, confused, frustrated. Recovery can take some time, but starting to socialize, make new friends and interests may well include finding love and companionship again. When this happens it is important to acknowledge our good fortune and give thanks for the opportunity to find love and happiness once more in life.